More

I want more. More what, I don't know. But I want it. More of it. More fun, more clothes, more sun, more shoes. More cleaner, more better, more milker (there isn't ANY milker in the refrigerator). You get it. More.

Maybe.

And maybe not. Maybe I don't want more. Maybe I want less. Less mess, less hassle, less responsibility, less more. Fewer books definitely. My book shelf is overflowing.

There.

There's a good point. I want fewer books because I haven't room to store all the books I have. While at the same time I want MORE books. Because I haven't anything to read currently. Perhaps this sums up my life: I want less of what I don't want and more of what I do. And sometimes, like with books, they are the same thing.

Only I can't quite figure out what it is I want more of and what I want less of REALLY.

More time? More sleep? More time asleep? Yes. I'll say yes to that, definitely. I'll take more time asleep.

Though it isn't that really; though more sleep would be VERY nice.

What it is is something else. Something elusive.

I summed it up for my husband tonight with this sentence:

I want to stand in the ocean, just where the water meets the sand, at night, the black sea in front of me the night sky vast with white stars arching overhead.


It's like that; but it isn't that.

But it is something more.

Things That Make Me Happy

I filled a basket up with baby toys and put it in our living room. The first time I looked at it I smiled. The basket says: YES. Yes we have a baby.

It's wonderful.

I have a new Starbucks mug. It may be the best Starbucks mug ever. One day I will have a cupboard full of Starbucks mugs. My mug makes me happy.

I looked through old photographs today. I love photographs. I think I may be obsessed with taking snap shots. Pictures make me happy. I look and I remember. I remember and I smile. Maybe one day I will have them all in photo albums instead of just on Facebook!

Tonight is yoga. Yoga number one class. We'll see if I can downward dog. We will see if I have any aptitude for this. Yoga makes me happy. Perhaps when I have actually done it in real life and not just thought about it it will make me less happy. We'll see!

Teddy bears. The new I & B W. Tea. TEA!

Some people who make me happy:

M. Power.
R. Kolke.
My sister.

There are more. You are one of them.

What else? Right. Writing. Writing makes me happy. I am supposed to have five pages done by Friday. My first book took me a year to write. My second took me 6 years. I think I need deadlines. This third book I hope to have done in a year. Perhaps one day I will get really ambitious and actually send the books to publishers. I may even get so ambitious that I will let people read them.

Another thing that made me happy this week: M with the word LOVE painted on her forehead.

Oh, and ][ getting married in a top hat! Perfect!

Beer in a hot tub... Homemade bread...

Oh, and I know, the very best of all (and I will end this rambling):

My baby now sucks his thumb! It is adorable! One day I showed him how by sucking my thumb. The next day he was doing it! My first mommy lesson!

Yes. This makes me happiest of all.

So Happy

I am going crazy with silliness. Remember in Roman Holiday when Audrey says: "So happy". I like that part.

Or when she says: "I don't seem to mind". Also, a very good line. Okay. SILLY. Because this isn't making any sense.

But I am full of silly. And when the baby wakes up we are going out. OUT! OUT! I like this blog.

I think this is the sort of thing I am going to write: random nonsense.

Two stuffed bears are staring at me from above my computer moniter. I think they have plans for me. Sinister plans. Oh, a car just drove by on the street below. White with two black racing stripes. Very cool to see from above like that.

My home is just stuffed with baby toys. It is hard to get around the living room. Why isn't living room one word? I think it should be.